How The Grinch Stole Festivus
Friday, December 17, 2010
Everyone Down in Portland Liked Festivus a lot...
But the Grinch, Who lived just North of Portland (like around Augusta), Did NOT!
The Grinch hated Festivus! The whole Festivus season! Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be that his head wasn't screwed on quite right. It could be, perhaps, that his Uggs were crammed on too tight. It could be he hated the rolling and rocking. It could be he got Kenny G in his stocking! But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
"The Adam Ezra Group’s coming!" he snarled with a sneer. "December 17 is practically here!" At the Empire Dine and Dance t'will go down. "Those bastards!", he said with a grinchy like frown. Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming, "I MUST find a way to keep Festivus from coming!" For, December 17, he knew...
...All the girls and boys would come with their crews.... They'd pregame at Dewey’s or maybe Bull Feeney's, eat burgers, drink beers or perhaps some martini's…. then oh baby oh, they'd come to the show! The noise they would make! The party they'd throw!!
And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all! Every Festivus Portlander, tall and the small, would stand near the speakers, their ears would be ringing. They'd stand hand-in-hand. And then they’d start singing!
He remembered that "This Way" would open the night. He beat the walls of his cave, "Damn, that band is tight! Amanda Gervasi too? What's a grinch gotta do?!" He was mad. He was angry. The grinch felt like poo.
"Don't they know," the grinch howled, that Ezra is Jewish?! Then he screamed and he wimpered...he sounded quite shrewish. "Hanukah's over! What the hell’s going on?" Then he thought and he thought. He hought hard and long. And the more the Grinch thought of the Festivus-show, The more the Grinch thought, "man it’s all gotta go!
Then he got an idea! An awful idea! THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA! "I'll come to the show! No one will know! Oh the boo's I'll produce! The tomatoes I'll throw!!" They'll be so busy dodging they'll never play right! The crowd will all leave at the end of the night, with this un easy feeling it didn't go right!"
"Then, perhaps this whole Festivus thing will be dead. Next year they'll stay home, watch The Office instead!"
Now, people of Portland, we beg and beseech you. Hear us and listen, we're trying to teach you. We have thought of a way to defeat the grinch scheme, don't hide over at Ri Ra's or in L.L. Bean. But come to the Festivus and bring all your peeps! Pull up in your cars, your Land Rovers Jeeps. Or perhaps if you're part of the lunatic fringe, you can come out on foot, preparing to binge!!
The point is, this show it must come off with a bang! Prepare to dance hard and to howl and to hang. For if we sell all of the tickets that night, the grinch won't get in, we'll be packed in too tight!!
We're writing to you with this sacred of reasons, you alone have the power to save the Festivus season!
....on a side note we thought that we'd let you all know that it's cold in the winter with all of the snow, so we'll be taking some cash from the tickets we sell, and give it to folks who ain't doin so swell. The food bank in Maine will get a donation from all of us part of the Festivus nation!!
So come out in force on December Seventeen! We will sing and we'll rage, you all know what we mean...(and if you do not, where the hell have you been!!)
So, that's the whole story, you now know the scoop! Much love from Adam Ezra and the rest of the Group!!
The Second Annual Rockoustigrass Winter Solstice Soiree and Holiday Festivus featuring the Adam Ezra Group, This Way, and Amanda Gervasi will take place at 9 pm at Empire Dine and Dance on Friday Dec. 17.
Night 2 of the Festivus featuring the Adam Ezra Group and John Colvert will take place the next night Dec 18 at Tupelo Music Hall in Londonderry NH.
tickets and info at www.adamezra.com